GPS - Global Positioning System

I'd just like to enquire on how effective can a GPS be. I have friends who's using Garmin GPS and some using other brand GPS but then one thing for sure... They got lost, i can't believe it that even with GPS they got lost.

Its like this I've tested one of the GPS before, just turn on the GPS, wait for satellite to align with your GPS and select your destination then it will show you all the possibilities to get to that place.

One thing for sure, they will utilize the major roads and will not show you any short cuts unless you skipped the major road and it will source out for another alternative route for you.

But there is a loophole here, yes it does show you the alternative route, and guess what.. it goes against the traffic cause its a 1 way street or a no entry sign. So how effective can a GPS be?

I know that if you're not familiar with the area or trying to look for the place a GPS will be in good hands at that time. So you've gotta like actually update it constantly to get it right.

Well one thing good about GPS is they're equipped with some extra info like ETA and speed that you're travelling and i find it interesting.

ETA - estimated Time arrival

Speed - Speed that you're travelling

Talking about GPS, my phone is actually a GPS hotline for people to call when they're lost and when they're not familiar with the roads that they are travelling. I've even had ex-colleagues that called me and ask.

Ex-colleague "hey do you know shah alam well"

Me " i said, i know the general places in shah alam. why?

Ex-colleague " oh good then do you know how to get to Seksyen 25/5"

Me " i was like WTF... I'm no GPS man but if you were to ask for landmark i can show you but not to your exact location..

That was the last time i heard from him. I did get some calls from him previously asking on how to go places but that was before the SHAH ALAM incident.

The best thing is, my number does not limit me to roads only.

One of my friend even called me and ask me

"eh.. i'm in one utama now.... how to get to Sony Centre ah?"

I'm like.... go here turn left and go straight in the new wing bla bla bla.. and she manage to find it..

Being shocked myself.. now whenever my phone buzz and i see the persons name.. I'll answer

"GPS hotline.. how may i help you"

Its funny thinking back about it..

Did you know Facts!

There are alot of things this puzzled me so i search over the internet and found some useful information to share here. Alot of things does not have answers like.. why does wine bottle comes in tinted glass. How many % of water in a watermelon. So with this kinda questions running in our everyday lives.. i decided to search.... just have a look at some of the info below..

hope it is useful for you as it was for me.

TIP is the acronym for "To Insure Promptness."

Wine is sold in tinted bottles because wine spoils when exposed to light.

Approximately one billion snails are served in restaurants annually.

The tall chef's hat is called a toque.

Watermelons are 97% water, lettuce 97%, tomatoes 95%, carrots 90%, and bread 30%.

Carrots have zero fat content.

Your mouth produces 1 litre (1.8 pints) of saliva a day.

If the amount of water in your body is reduced by just 1%, you'll feel thirsty.

Our eyes are always the same size from birth.

We actually do not see with our eyes - we see with our brains. The eyes basically are the cameras of the brain. One-quarter of the brain is used to control the eyes.

Mercedes Benz cars are named after Mercedes Jellinek.

Pork is the world's most widely-eaten meat.

The sailfish is the fastest swimmer, reaching 109 km/h (68 mph).

The slowest fish is the Sea Horse, which moves along at about 0.016 km/h (0.01 mph).

Sharks are immune to all known diseases.

Sound travels through water 3 times faster than through air.

Air becomes liquid at about minus 190 degrees Celsius

The thin line of cloud that forms behind an aircraft at high altitudes is called a contrail.

Water expands by about 9% as it freezes.

Brainteaser!!

Since i have been reading and saw some riddles. I'll post some here to brain tease some of you. Lets see how many can you get answers can you get.


1) I am taken from a mine, and shut up in a wooden case, from which I am never released, and yet I am used by almost everybody.

2) What goes round the house and in the house but never touches the house?

3)What is it that you can keep after giving it to someone else?

4) What walks all day on its head?

5) The more you take, the more you leave behind. What are they?

Well.. i'll post the answers later on.. meanwhile.. try and see if you can solve these simple riddles..

Gardenia Bread!!

Here's something interesting on how to buy your fresh wholesome Gardenia bread.

When you buy your bread, have you wondered how to choose and which one is the freshest of em all? Some say they "squeeze" for freshness and softness. Some say check the expiry date, my mum taught me to look for the longest expiry date and check around make sure there are no fungus growing on the bread.

Did you know that the bread is delivered freshly to the stores 5 days in a week?

They are delivered on Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday
Each and everyday they have a different colour twist tie (that explains much how come there are so many different colour twist tie)

They are : -
Blue on Mondays
Green on Tuesday
Red on Thursday
White on Friday &
Yellow on Saturday

So if today Tuesday.. you would want a green colour twist tie instead of Yellow that is produced on Saturday.

I hope this is interesting and actually enlightens you why is the bread twist tie clip in different colours.

So enjoy fresh bread when you buy the right colour on the right day of your grocery shopping day!

Please comment if you find this useful or interesting and spread the word!

100 Keyboard Shortcuts!

Well keyboard shortcuts are common among us. But how many shortcuts do you know?

Ctrl c for copy, Ctrl x for cut and the list goes on. But if i would to think back about shortcuts.. i only know a handful of it. So today here is 100 shortcuts to your keyboard to enable better productivity.



Standard Shortcut



CTRL+C (Copy)

CTRL+X (Cut)

CTRL+V (Paste)

CTRL+Z (Undo)

DELETE (Delete)

SHIFT+DELETE (Delete the selected item permanently without placing the item in the Recycle Bin)

CTRL while dragging an item using your mouse (Copy the selected item)

CTRL+SHIFT while dragging an item (Create a shortcut to the selected item)

F2 key (Rename the selected item)

CTRL+RIGHT ARROW (Move the insertion point to the beginning of the next word)CTRL+LEFT ARROW (Move the insertion point to the beginning of the previous word)CTRL+DOWN ARROW (Move the insertion point to the beginning of the next paragraph)CTRL+UP ARROW (Move the insertion point to the beginning of the previous paragraph)CTRL+SHIFT with any of the arrow keys (Highlight a block of text)

SHIFT with any of the arrow keys (Select more than one item in a window or on the desktop, or select text in a document)

CTRL+A (Select all)

F3 key (Search for a file or a folder)

ALT+ENTER (View the properties for the selected item)

ALT+F4 (Close the active item, or quit the active program)

ALT+ENTER (Display the properties of the selected object)

ALT+SPACEBAR (Open the shortcut menu for the active window)

CTRL+F4 (Close the active document in programs that enable you to have multiple documents open simultaneously)

ALT+TAB (Switch between the open items)

ALT+ESC (Cycle through items in the order that they had been opened)

F6 key (Cycle through the screen elements in a window or on the desktop)

F4 key (Display the Address bar list in My Computer or Windows Explorer)

SHIFT+F10 (Display the shortcut menu for the selected item)

ALT+SPACEBAR (Display the System menu for the active window)

CTRL+ESC (Display the Start menu)

ALT+Underlined letter in a menu name (Display the corresponding menu)Underlined letter in a command name on an open menu (Perform the corresponding command)

F10 key (Activate the menu bar in the active program)

RIGHT ARROW (Open the next menu to the right, or open a submenu)

LEFT ARROW (Open the next menu to the left, or close a submenu)

F5 key (Update the active window)

BACKSPACE (View the folder one level up in My Computer or Windows Explorer)

ESC (Cancel the current task)

SHIFT when you insert a CD-ROM into the CD-ROM drive (Prevent the CD-ROM from automatically playing)



Dialog Box Keyboard Shortcuts



CTRL+TAB (Move forward through the tabs)

CTRL+SHIFT+TAB (Move backward through the tabs)

TAB (Move forward through the options)

SHIFT+TAB (Move backward through the options)

ALT+Underlined letter (Perform the corresponding command or select the corresponding option)

ENTER (Perform the command for the active option or button)

SPACEBAR (Select or clear the check box if the active option is a check box)

Arrow keys (Select a button if the active option is a group of option buttons)

F1 key (Display Help)

F4 key (Display the items in the active list)

BACKSPACE (Open a folder one level up if a folder is selected in the Save As or Open dialog box)



m*cro$oft Natural Keyboard Shortcuts



Windows Logo (Display or hide the Start menu)

Windows Logo+BREAK (Display the System Properties dialog box)

Windows Logo+D (Display the desktop)

Windows Logo+M (Minimize all of the windows)

Windows Logo+SHIFT+M (Restore the minimized windows)

Windows Logo+E (Open My Computer)

Windows Logo+F (Search for a file or a folder)

CTRL+Windows Logo+F (Search for computers)

Windows Logo+F1 (Display Windows Help)

Windows Logo+ L (Lock the keyboard)

Windows Logo+R (Open the Run dialog box)

Windows Logo+U (Open Utility Manager)



Accessibility Keyboard Shortcuts



Right SHIFT for eight seconds (Switch Filter Keys either on or off)

Left ALT+left SHIFT+PRINT SCREEN (Switch High Contrast either on or off)

Left ALT+left SHIFT+NUM LOCK (Switch the Mouse Keys either on or off)

SHIFT five times (Switch the Sticky Keys either on or off)

NUM LOCK for five seconds (Switch the Toggle Keys either on or off)

Windows Logo +U (Open Utility Manager)



Windows Explorer Keyboard Shortcuts



END (Display the bottom of the active window)

HOME (Display the top of the active window)

NUM LOCK+Asterisk sign (*) (Display all of the subfolders that are under the selected folder)NUM LOCK+Plus sign (+) (Display the contents of the selected folder)

NUM LOCK+Minus sign (-) (Collapse the selected folder)

LEFT ARROW (Collapse the current selection if it is expanded, or select the parent folder)RIGHT ARROW (Display the current selection if it is collapsed, or select the first subfolder)



Shortcut Keys for Character Map

After you double-click a character on the grid of characters, you can move through the grid by using the keyboard shortcuts:

RIGHT ARROW (Move to the right or to the beginning of the next line)

LEFT ARROW (Move to the left or to the end of the previous line)

UP ARROW (Move up one row)

DOWN ARROW (Move down one row)

PAGE UP (Move up one screen at a time)

PAGE DOWN (Move down one screen at a time)

HOME (Move to the beginning of the line)

END (Move to the end of the line)

CTRL+HOME (Move to the first character)

CTRL+END (Move to the last character)

SPACEBAR (Switch between Enlarged and Normal mode when a character is selected)



m*cro$oft Management Console (MMC)Main Window Keyboard Shortcuts



CTRL+O (Open a saved console)

CTRL+N (Open a new console)

CTRL+S (Save the open console)

CTRL+M (Add or remove a console item)

CTRL+W (Open a new window)

F5 key (Update the content of all console windows)

ALT+SPACEBAR (Display the MMC window menu)

ALT+F4 (Close the console)

ALT+A (Display the Action menu)

ALT+V (Display the View menu)

ALT+F (Display the File menu)

ALT+O (Display the Favorites menu)



MMC Console Window Keyboard Shortcuts



CTRL+P (Print the current page or active pane)

ALT+Minus sign (-) (Display the window menu for the active console window)

SHIFT+F10 (Display the Action shortcut menu for the selected item)

F1 key (Open the Help topic, if any, for the selected item)

F5 key (Update the content of all console windows)

CTRL+F10 (Maximize the active console window)

CTRL+F5 (Restore the active console window)

ALT+ENTER (Display the Properties dialog box, if any, for the selected item)

F2 key (Rename the selected item)

CTRL+F4 (Close the active console window. When a console has only oneconsole window, this shortcut closes the console)



Remote Desktop Connection Navigation



CTRL+ALT+END (Open the m*cro$oft Windows NT Security dialog box)

ALT+PAGE UP (Switch between programs from left to right)

ALT+PAGE DOWN (Switch between programs from right to left)

ALT+INSERT (Cycle through the programs in most recently used order)

ALT+HOME (Display the Start menu)

CTRL+ALT+BREAK (Switch the client computer between a window and a full screen)ALT+DELETE (Display the Windows menu)

CTRL+ALT+Minus sign (-) (Place a snapshot of the active window in the client on the Terminal server clipboard and provide the same functionality as pressing PRINT SCREEN on a local computer.)

CTRL+ALT+Plus sign (+) (Place a snapshot of the entire client window area on the Terminal server clipboard and provide the same functionality as pressing

ALT+PRINT SCREEN on a local computer.)



m*cro$oft Internet Explorer Navigation



CTRL+B (Open the Organize Favorites dialog box)

CTRL+E (Open the Search bar)

CTRL+F (Start the Find utility)

CTRL+H (Open the History bar)

CTRL+I (Open the Favorites bar)

CTRL+L (Open the Open dialog box)

CTRL+N (Start another instance of the browser with the same Web address)

CTRL+O (Open the Open dialog box, the same as CTRL+L)

CTRL+P (Open the Print dialog box)

CTRL+R (Update the current Web page)

CTRL+W (Close the current window)



So i hope this post will give you more info on the shortcuts on your keyboard.



I learned alot of new shortcuts after this posting! I hope you do as well! Please do leave a comment on what do you think of this post or my blog. Thanks

Useful info in life! Part 2

Part 2

To check the freshness of mushroom
Sprinkle some salt on mushroom. If it turns black , it's fresh. If it turns yellow it's stale

To boil potatoes quickly
Skin one potato from one side only before boiling.

To boil eggs quickly
Add salt to the water and boil.

To defrost a frozen chicken
Soak the chicken in cold water and add two tablespoon of salt.

To check the freshness of fish
Put it in a bowl of cold water. If it floats is fresh.

To check the freshness of eggs
Put the eggs in water. If it becomes horizontal, it's fresh. If it becomes slanting, its 3 - 4 days old, if it becomes vertical, it's 10 days old. if it floats, it's stale

To remove ink from clothes
Put toothpaste on the ink spots generously and let it dry completely, then wash

To skin potatoes / Sweet potatoes quickly
Soak in cold water immediately after boiling

To get rid or mice / rats
Sprinkle black pepper in places where you find mice or rats. They will run away

To get rid of mosquitoes at night
Keep mint leaves near your bed or pillows and all around the room.

Broken glass
Use a dry cotton ball to pick up little broken glasses - the fibre cathes the ones you can't see!

Measuring Cups
Before you pour sticky substance into a measuring cup, fill it with hot water. Dump out the hot water, next add your ingredient, such as peanut butter, and watch how easily it comes right out.

Reopening envelope
If you seal an envelope and then realise that you forgot to include something inside. Just place your sealed envelope in the freezer for 2 hours. Voila! it unseals easily.

Take baby powder to the beach
Keep a small bottle of baby powder in your beach bag. when you're ready to leave the beach, sprinkle yourself and kids with the baby powder and the remaining sands on your body will slide right off your skin

Hope you learn something new!!

Useful info in life! Part 1

This maybe general knowledge but frankly speaking most of the stuff i didn't know about it as well. I got it from a forwarded email, since its very useful, i'll post it here in..

If you have a problem with ants at home.
Keep the skin of cucumbers near the place or ant holes

To get pure and clean ice.
Boil the water first before freezing

To clean mirror
Clean with Spirit / use newspaper

To remove chewing gum from clothes
Keep the cloth in the freezer for an hour

To whiten white clothes
Soak white clothes in hot water with a slice of lemon for 10 minutes, then wash

To give shine to your hair
Add one teaspoon of vinegar to your hair, then wash

To get the most juice out of a lemons
Soak lemon in hot water for one hour, and then juice them

To get rid the smell of fish from your hands
Wash you hands with a lil apple vinegar

To avoid tears while cutting onions
Chew Gum / Soak them in water before cutting them

Is this information useful.. come in here again 2moro for continuation of it.. stay tuned!!

Prawning (15/12/2008)

Well since i've not been updating my blog as often as i used to due to work load and busy schedule. Today i found some lil time in between to update what i did yesterday.

After work went home and prepared my hooks for some prawning session with a friend who's so engrossed and curious on how i catch these tiger prawns.

He witnessed it and he tried it.. i think he's hooked to it as well. Thats good cause his mum don't really need to buy prawns from the market anymore.

Some updates on the prawns that i caught yesterday.

Each prawns is averagely about 9 inches. it weights more or less around 100 grams each.

Total catches for the day.. not bad i would say..

so if catch around 10 - 15 it makes a kg. This prawns are huge and.. its so yummy. Can't wait for it to be cooked.

Here are some of the prawns that i caught.. but this photo's are taken a few weeks back just didn't have the time to post.

These are some of the big prawns that i had previously. Freshly caught and steamed with egg white with lots of chinese rice wine. Taste heavenly!

I would say.. my hobby is a lil worth it.. why do i say that.. my mum don't need to buy anymore prawns from market.. my family only eat tiger prawns now.. my gf likes prawns to the max.. so its like 1 arrow hitting a few bull eyes hehee..

Next food post.. Coffee Crab...

Even Lower fuel prices!!

After tonight the fuel prices will be even lower than RM 1.90. Fuels price reduction due to the price reduction in the world crude oil prices.

Well its good at least the fuel price is down.. lets hope everything goes down as well include food, drinks, pampers, and even teh tarik.

Due to recent price hike in June from RM 1.92 to RM 2.70 everything shot up ski high.. but ever since the price reduction.. i don't see much in reduction on food, milk powder and other stuffs.

I think someone should write to the government to ask the traders to lower the raw materials so it benefits everyone.

Lower fuel prices??

Since the global fuel price is reducing almost everyday. Wonder when will the oil price reduce. Could it be next week, next fortnight, or maybe tomorrow?

i have a feeling that it will be tomorrow. As the gov mentioned before that if the global fuel price remains stable for 2 weeks they will reduce the price again.

Golden Pomfret frenzy!!

Works catching up.. time's flying fast.. so many things to do but so little time..
Almost forgotten that i actually have a blog hahaha.

Well this post is nothing much to shout about.. just that i've officially got my Pomfret license in fishing. Well i already got it the last time about a month back but its not counted cause as it is foul hooked.. this time i got it right in the mouth when it was nibbling my prawn bait away..

1st couple of hours i wasn't having any fun fishing and kinda regreted coming to fish on that day.. but soon grace was upon me and my sifu and we're hooking these Golden pomfret while it is having its frenzy.. all in all i caught 4 Golden Pomfret size ranging from 2kg - 3kg.. huge fish..
the worst thing is i had to carry my fish plus my sifu's fish along to go to the counter to check out of the fishing pond.

Its freaking heavy that's all i can say.. but the smile on my face... Joker also have to salute ahaha.
Here are the pic of the total pomfret we caught.. If we were to base on carrefour prices that is selling these fishes at RM 25 per kg.. we have about RM 350 here

My setup arsenal was

Rod : Lemax President Royal 6 feet

Reel : Ryobi Excia 4000

Line : Power pro 30lbs

Leader : 40 lbs el cheapo fisherman brand

Hooks : Maruto Circle hooks size 16

Japanese Food Fair - The Gardens

Hey Everyone, the gardens LG (lower ground) is having Japanese food fair.

Foods like instant noodle, cookies, snacks, green tea, salad Sauce (yum yums!), Miso Soup paste, seaweeds, and lots more.

Check it out in the gardens lower ground floor right outside the Cold Storage store.

Not forgetting mid valley is having some outdoor sports sale in their Exhibition Hall 3. Check it out if you're free and its time to save some money by buying cheaper products!

What does Engineers think about women!

I haven't been blogging for a while.. but this following post seems too good not to post hahaha.

So sit back relax and have a great laugh..

TIger Prawning Revisit!!

Well one of my favourite Tiger Pay Ponds closed shop due to bad business..



I can say the previous owner does not know how to maintain the business.. but anyway .. its back in business with a new owner..



Located along Jalan Meru..



I Was there on monday night for 3 hours.. total catch 1.4kg... I would say its very good already.. cause some prawns its about 9 inches.. damn the prawns are huge.. As I’m posting this I can imagine my gf drooling over the prawns already. Its very challenging as the prawns are huge and the fight is awesome.. Lost a lot of biggies.. Averagely each prawns for the big ones is about 80 - 100 grams each. Had fun looking at the bend telescopic rod and a mere 6lbs monofilament line..





Tiger Rambutan anyone??

Just four prawns enought to cover my whole palms already.

Can't wait to eat the big, juicy and fat prawns hehe..

Anyone interested in joining me? Give me a buzz..

Aiya.. i kena tag wor..

Okie.. its been a while since i last blogged.. damn long ago... well actually its been about 2 months nia . hehee.. out of a sudden i decided to log in and i got tagged.. hmm well i never been tagged before so its ok hahah.. okie here it goes



1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? Yeah Simon Templer.. from The Saint

2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? Ages ago..

3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? yea.. sometimes..

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT? Curry Chicken

5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS? Nope

6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? Sure why not

7. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT? Nope

8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? Yes

9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? If its free or paid for.. i don't really mind.

10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? Coco Crunch

11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? Nope.. too lazy..

12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? Okie la.. not like Arnold though.. :)

13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM? New Zealand Ice Cream and Gellato..

14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE? Eyes

15. RED OR PINK? Red

16. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF? My weight

17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? My old obedient dog..

18. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO SEND THIS BACK TO YOU? Yes, if they are willing to spend some time to do it.

19. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? Dark blue pants & Black cheap leather shoes

20. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE? Bihun topped with luncheon meat, curry chicken gravy and fried egg..

21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? Sounds coming out from Aircond and Fan behind me

22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? Blue perhaps..

23. FAVORITE SMELLS? The smell of the ripe fruits when you go into a fruit shop

24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? My Gf

25. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? Yes, got it from my buddy

26. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH? Fishing

27. HAIR COLOR? Black hair and some turning white already..

28. EYE COLOR? Dark rown

29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? No

30. FAVORITE FOOD? Curry Chicken

31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS? Happy endings

32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? Hancock

33. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? Blue

34. SUMMER OR WINTER? Winter.. but where is the Autumn and Spring??

35. HUGS OR KISSES? Both

36. FAVORITE DESSERT? Ice Cream

37. MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? Friendly

38. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND? Pariah & Sarcastic

39. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW? I don't really read books..

40. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? Is the working table considered my mouse pad?

41. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON T.V. LAST NIGHT? Didn't watch tv.. was out the whole day

42. FAVORITE SOUND? Sound of waves crashing onto the seashore.

43. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES? Beatles..

44. WHAT IS THE FURTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME? Hong Kong

45. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT? Talent eh... yeah.. i'm good in eating. i'm a natural born eater..

46. WHERE WERE YOU BORN? In a clinic in Taiping, Perak

47. WHOSE ANSWERS ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO GETTING BACK?

Sarah, Karen Lim

The Stubborn Cat!

A couple was dressed and ready to go out into the city for the evening. They turned on a night light, turned the answering machine on the phone line, covered their pet parakeet and put the cat in the backyard. They phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi. The taxi arrived and the couple opened the front door to leave their house. The cat they had put out into the yard scoots back into the house.

They don't want the cat shut in the house because she always tries to eat the bird. The wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes inside to get the cat. The cat runs upstairs, the man in hot pursuit.

Waiting in the cab, the wife doesn't want the driver to know the house will be empty for the night. She explains to the taxi driver that her husband will be out soon. "He's just going upstairs to say good-bye to my Mother."

A few minutes later, the husband gets into the cab.

"Sorry I took so long," he says, as they drive away. "Stupid bitch was hiding under the bed. Had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off so I grabbed her by the neck. Then I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me but it worked. I hauled her fat ass downstairs and threw her out into the back yard!"

The cab driver hit a parked car......

Farts!!

A fart can be quiet
A fart can be loud
Some leave a powerful
Poisonous cloud.

A fart might not smell
While others are vile
A fart may pass quickly
Or linger awhile.

A fart may be steamy
Or come with a leak
The more you suppress 'em
The more they will "speak."

A fart can occur
In a number of places
And leave everyone
With strange looks on their faces.

From wide-open prairies
To small elevators
A fart will find al of us
Sooner or later.

Not all farts are bad
This is simply not true
We mustn't forget
Dear sweet, old farts like you!

Job Interview

Tom is applying for a job as a signalman for the local railroad, and is told to meet the inspector at the signal box.

The inspector decides to give the fishos a pop quiz, asking, "What would you do if you realized that two trains

were heading towards each other on the same track?"

Tom says, "I would switch one train to another track."

"What if the lever broke?" asks the inspector.

"I'd run down to the tracks and use the manual lever," answers Tom.

"What if that had been struck by lightning?" challenges the inspector.

"Then," Tom continues, "I'd run back up here and use the phone to call the next signal box."

"What if the phone was busy?"

"In that case," Tom argues, "I'd run to the street level and use the public phone near the station".

"What if that public phone had been vandalized?"

"Oh, well," says Tom, "in that case I'd run into town and get my Uncle Leo.

"This puzzles the inspector, so he asks, "Why would you do that?"

"Because he's never seen a train crash!"

Sex!!

An 8-year-old girl went to her dad, who was working in the yard.

She asked him, "Daddy, what is sex?"

The father was surprised that she would ask such a question, but decides that if she is old enough to ask the question, then she is old enough to get a straight answer. He proceeded to tell her all about the "birds and the bees." When he finished explaining, the little girl was looking at him with her mouth hanging open.

The father asked her, "Why did you ask this question?

" The little girl replied, "Mom told me to tell you that dinner would be ready in just a couple of secs."

Mum Breaking plates

A mother and son were doing dishes while the father and daughter were watching TV in the living room. Suddenly, there was a loud crash of breaking plates, then complete silence. The daughter turned to look at her father.

Daughter: It's mummy!

Father: How do you know?

Daughter: She didn't say anything.