Job Interview

Tom is applying for a job as a signalman for the local railroad, and is told to meet the inspector at the signal box.

The inspector decides to give the fishos a pop quiz, asking, "What would you do if you realized that two trains

were heading towards each other on the same track?"

Tom says, "I would switch one train to another track."

"What if the lever broke?" asks the inspector.

"I'd run down to the tracks and use the manual lever," answers Tom.

"What if that had been struck by lightning?" challenges the inspector.

"Then," Tom continues, "I'd run back up here and use the phone to call the next signal box."

"What if the phone was busy?"

"In that case," Tom argues, "I'd run to the street level and use the public phone near the station".

"What if that public phone had been vandalized?"

"Oh, well," says Tom, "in that case I'd run into town and get my Uncle Leo.

"This puzzles the inspector, so he asks, "Why would you do that?"

"Because he's never seen a train crash!"

Sex!!

An 8-year-old girl went to her dad, who was working in the yard.

She asked him, "Daddy, what is sex?"

The father was surprised that she would ask such a question, but decides that if she is old enough to ask the question, then she is old enough to get a straight answer. He proceeded to tell her all about the "birds and the bees." When he finished explaining, the little girl was looking at him with her mouth hanging open.

The father asked her, "Why did you ask this question?

" The little girl replied, "Mom told me to tell you that dinner would be ready in just a couple of secs."

Mum Breaking plates

A mother and son were doing dishes while the father and daughter were watching TV in the living room. Suddenly, there was a loud crash of breaking plates, then complete silence. The daughter turned to look at her father.

Daughter: It's mummy!

Father: How do you know?

Daughter: She didn't say anything.

Laws of the Natural Universe!

Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease your nose will begin to itch or you'll have to pee.

Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

Law of probability: The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

Law of the Telephone: When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.

Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

Variation Law: If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now. (works every time)

Bath Theorem: When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone will ring.

Law of Close Encounters: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

Law of Biomechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

Theatre Rule: At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

Law of Coffee: As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, someone will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

Murphy's Law of Lockers: If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

Law of Dirty Rugs/Carpets: The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.

Law of Location: No matter where you go, there you are.

Law of Logical Argument: Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

Brown's Law: If the shoe fits, it's ugly.

Oliver's Law: A closed mouth gathers no feet.

Wilson's Law: As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

Things to say if caught sleeping at work!

1. "They told me at the blood bank this might happen."

2. "This is just a 15-minute power nap like they raved about in that time-management course you sent me to."

3. "I was working smarter-not harder."

4. "Whew! I musta left the top off the liquid paper."

5. "Oh, I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on our mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm!"

6. "This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people!"

7. "I was testing the keyboard for drool-resistance."

8. "I was trying to remember where that difficult "Z" Key was, and now it is indelibly imprinted on my brain, or at least my forehead."

9. "I'm in the management training program."

10. "I'm actually doing a "Stress Level Elimination Exercise Plan" (SLEEP) I learned at the last mandatory seminar you made me attend."

11. "This is in exchange for the six hours last night when I dreamed about work!"

12. "I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work-related stress. Do you discriminate against people who practice Yoga?"

13. "Darn! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem."

14. "Uh, hey, whaddaya expect... the coffee machine is broken..."

15. "Someone must've put decaf in the wrong pot."

16. "Boy, that cold medicine I took last night just won't wear off!"

17. "It worked well for Reagan, didn't it?"

18. "Ah, the unique and unpredictable circadian rhythms of the workaholic!"

19. "I wasn't sleeping. I was trying to pick up my contact lens without my hands."

20. "The mailman flipped out and pulled a gun so I was playing dead to avoid getting shot."

21. "Geez, I thought you (the boss) were gone for the day

Renewing road tax??

Next week would be my deadline for my car road tax to expire.. how?? i have a few choices.

1) Go to post office to renew and collect my rebate RM 625 as well there and then

2) Ask my dad to renew for me but i still need to go to the post office to collect the RM 625

Then i was thinking. Lunch time is limited to 1 hour only and during lunch time post office will be packed.. hmm.. how how how??

Then i stumble upon some radio commercials talking about renewing roadtax online. (talking bout technolody nowadays). Then i remembered Nuffnang posted the adds before about applying roadtax online..

so i opted for the 3rd choice which is go online at MYEG's website and did my stuff there.. i was a lil sceptical about it as the method of payment is not convenient except for credit card.. Then i was thinking.. how long does it take for them to renew a new road tax for me. since i have a few days more before my roadtax expires.. so i still have some time to spare before my roadtax expires. Then the question comes.. How am i gonna get the Rm 625 rebate? Then i made a call to the customer service line and they mentioned that they will send it by money order to me latest in 2 weeks time.

I remembered i paid at 10am this morning (16/07/2008) and i received it just now at 2pm..

I would say thumbs up to this service as it is superb and effective.. save me the time and hassle to go all the way to post office to do..

Pro's : you could just sit down and relax.. your roadtax will be send to your doorstep

Con's : you will not be richer RM 625 for the day.. hehe

Great Reasons To Be A Guy

Phone Conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

You know stuff about tanks.

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.

You can open all your own jars.

Dry cleaners and hair cutters don't rob you blind.

You can go to the bathroom without a support group.

You can leave the motel bed unmade.

You can kill your own food.

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

Wedding plans take care of themselves.

If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack.

If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.

Everything on your face stays its original color.

You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.

Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.

You don't have to clean if the meter reader is coming.

Car mechanics tell you the truth.

You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking: "He must be mad at me."

Gray hair and wrinkles only add character.

Wedding dress - $2,000.

Tuxedo rental - 75 bucks.

You can drop by to see a friend without bringing a little gift.

If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.

You know which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

You almost never have strap problems in public.

You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.

The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.

You don't have to shave below your neck.Gas (at either end) is cool.

Your belly usually hides your big hips.

One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.

Something Interesting!!

A man called Ah beng owns a farm which can produce 10 apples every day.

He has 5 workers to operate the farm.

Each of them eats 1 apple daily and it is enough to keep them operating the farm normally.

The remaining 4 apples, the landlord sells them at RM10 each and he earns RM40.

He uses the RM25 to improve the farm operation and facilities.

He gives RM2.00 to each of his workers and he keeps the remaining RM5.00 as profit.

Day by day, the farm is well developed and all of the 5 workers are happy with the money they can save.

When Ah beng passed away and there is a new landlord, Ahmad comes to continue the farm operation.

He says to the workers:

" We need to improve the farm quality and redefine our way of thinking. From now on all of you only need to pay RM1.00 for each apple you eat. It is very cheap as the price is RM10 each outside the farm."

The workers have no choice but to pay RM1.00 for the apple they eat daily. Their earning decrease from RM2.00 to M1.00 per person. As usual, Ahmad sells the 4 apples and he gets RM40. He uses RM25 for farm improvement and pays RM10 to his 5 workers. He gets RM5.00 as profit. On top of that, he gets another RM5.00 from the apples that he sells to his workers. In total, he gets RM10 as profit every day.

Soon, the apple price increases to RM20 each. The new landlord gets a higher profit as he gets RM80 for the 4 apples he sells daily. Then, he decides to give the farming improvement contract to one of his close friend, Sam.

Sam says:"Apple cost naik, improvement cost also misti naik."So, the farm improvement cost increases from RM25 to RM50. In actual fact, the improvement only cost RM30. The remaining RM20, Ahmad and Sam share evenly among themselves.

Let's calculate how much Ahmad gets daily:

RM10 (from farm improvement cost)
RM20 (Net profit by selling 4 apples:
[Gross profit, RM80] - [Improvementcost, RM50] - [Wages RM10] = RM20)
RM5 (from selling apples to his workers)

In total, Ahmad gets RM35 daily compare to RM10 initially when he takes overthe farm from Ah beng.

His profit increases RM25 and the workers are still getting RM1.00 daily perperson.

The greedy Ahmad does not want to stop there.

One day, he says to his fellow workers:" You see ah, the current market price for one apple is RM20 and you are only paying RM1. See how lucky you are! I have to SUBSIDY RM19.00 for each of the apple you buy and total I need to SUBSIDY RM95.00.

This will greatly burden the farm and we might get bankrupt if we continue like this.In order to avoid bankruptcy, I need to increase the apple price that you buy from RM1.00 to RM1.50 and I will bear the remaining RM18.50 per apple as my subsidy to you all.

"So, greedy Ahmad adds RM2.50 to his current profit and the number becomes RM37.50.

After you have read the story, I am sure you have already understood the meaning/concept of "SUBSIDY" given by the "U-no-hu"

The RM95 subsidy never existed in the first place and so was the RM52 billion fuel subsidy generously "given" by the "U-no-hu".

Cutting fuel subsidy is actually just a reason to steal money from your pocket.

THE THEORY OF REVERSE DYNAMICS

When a man becomes rich, he becomes naughty.

When a woman becomes naughty, she becomes rich.

Italian Advice

An old Italian Mafia Don is dying and he calls his grandson to his bed.

"You lissin-a me. I wanna for you to taka my chrome plated 38 revolver so you will always remember me."

"But grandpa, I really don't like guns. How about you leava me your Rolex watch instead."

"Shuddup an lissin. Somma day you gonna runna da business, you gonna have a beautifula wife, lotsa money, a biga home and maybe a couple a bambinos.

Somma day you gonna coma home and maybe find you wife inna bed with another man. "Whadda you gonna do then......pointa to you watch and a say, Times Up ??"

Difference Between you and your Boss

When you take a long time, you're slow.

When your boss takes a long time, he's thorough.

When you don't get something done, you're lazy.

When your boss doesn't get something done, he's too busy.

When you make a mistake, you're an idiot.

When your boss makes a mistake, he's only human.

When you do it your own way, you don't do what your told.

When your boss does it, he's showing creativity.

When you do it on your own, you're overstepping your bounds.

When your boss does it, he's demonstrating initiative.

When you take a stand, you're being bull-headed.

When your boss takes a stand, he's being firm.

When you violate a rule, you're self-centered.

When your boss skips a few rules, he's being original.

When you please your boss, you're brown-nosing.

When your boss pleases his boss, he's being co-operative.

When you help a peer, you're not busy enough.

When your boss does it, he's a team player.

When someone else does your work, you're passing the buck.

When someone else does his work, he's assigning responsibility.

When you're out of the office, you're wandering around.

When your bosses out of the office, he's on business.

When you call in sick, you're going golfing.

When your boss calls in sick, he must be very ill.

When you apply for leave, you must be going for an interview.

When your boss applies for leave, it's because he's overworked.

When you're seen shopping during work hours, you're a slacker.

When your boss is doing the same, he's picking up office supplies.

When you get a raise, you're lucky.

When he gets one, he really earned it.

When you do a good job, you get a pat on the back.

When he does a good job, he gets a bonus.

Confusing English??

1. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

2. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

3. If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?

4. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Hollandcalled Holes?

5. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

6. Why the man who invests all your money called a broker?

7. If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to maketerrible?

8. Why is it called building when it is already built?

9. If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?

10. If you're not supposed to drink and drive, then why do bars haveparking lots?

11. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times,does he become disoriented?

12. If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?? Humans ???

13. If working hours are meant for working, then why are you reading this???

Laughing at Pregnant Woman

A young woman who was several months pregnant boarded a bus. When she noticed a young man smiling at her she began feeling humiliated on account of her condition.
She changed her seat and he seemed more amused. She moved again and then on her fourth move he burst out laughing. She had him arrested.

The case came before the court, and when asked why he acted in such a manner, the man replied, "When the lady boarded the bus I couldn't help noticing she was pregnant. She sat under an advertisement which read, 'Coming Soon: The Gold Dust Twins.'

Then she moved under one that read, 'Sloans Liniments Remove Swelling.' I was even more amused when she sat under a shaving advertisement which read, 'William's Stick Did The Trick.' Then I could not control myself any longer when on the fourth move she sat under an advertisement which read, 'Dunlop rubbers would have prevented this accident.'"He won the case.

Jensen's Birthday Gathering

This is a long Overdued post. We celebrated Jensen's birthday in Zen Japanese Restaurant in Pyramid on 28/06/2008.

This is what Jensen had for his birthday dinner hahaha..



There is actually an incident whereby the softshell crab came soft.. meaning that its not crunchy at all.. its soft and soggy. So our Taiko Jensen had to ask the waiter to come. The waiter quoted to him. ..

"sorry sir.. all the soft shell crab is soft or one of it?"

What a question.. if we would've tasted and see which is soft and which is hard the whole plate of softshell crab would be missing isn't it? This one quoted from my gf.

The thing is they're not proactive in changing it.. they'll ask you whats wrong and why you want to change and silly questions and debates around.

The Tofu that we had.. Agedishi Tofu..


Mabel holding the pickle and some other vege

Alice and Grace posing but the waiter's hand had to come into the pic.. sigh

This is what i had..close up shot of the Unagi

nice Unagi set which comes with sashimi.. yum yums!

Close shot of the sashimi.. i remember salmon, Tuna and something else which i forgot hahha..