The Stubborn Cat!

A couple was dressed and ready to go out into the city for the evening. They turned on a night light, turned the answering machine on the phone line, covered their pet parakeet and put the cat in the backyard. They phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi. The taxi arrived and the couple opened the front door to leave their house. The cat they had put out into the yard scoots back into the house.

They don't want the cat shut in the house because she always tries to eat the bird. The wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes inside to get the cat. The cat runs upstairs, the man in hot pursuit.

Waiting in the cab, the wife doesn't want the driver to know the house will be empty for the night. She explains to the taxi driver that her husband will be out soon. "He's just going upstairs to say good-bye to my Mother."

A few minutes later, the husband gets into the cab.

"Sorry I took so long," he says, as they drive away. "Stupid bitch was hiding under the bed. Had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off so I grabbed her by the neck. Then I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me but it worked. I hauled her fat ass downstairs and threw her out into the back yard!"

The cab driver hit a parked car......

Farts!!

A fart can be quiet
A fart can be loud
Some leave a powerful
Poisonous cloud.

A fart might not smell
While others are vile
A fart may pass quickly
Or linger awhile.

A fart may be steamy
Or come with a leak
The more you suppress 'em
The more they will "speak."

A fart can occur
In a number of places
And leave everyone
With strange looks on their faces.

From wide-open prairies
To small elevators
A fart will find al of us
Sooner or later.

Not all farts are bad
This is simply not true
We mustn't forget
Dear sweet, old farts like you!